Being a parent coach has some wonderful benefits as you see your child grow and advance, but with those benefits come some frustrations. From keeping the amount of play time fair to not giving your own child special treatment, certain headaches come with the territory.

“Coaching your own child can be a great experience for both of you, but the job can feel a bit like walking a tightrope at times,” said Greg Bach, Vice President of Communications at the National Alliance for Youth Sports.

If you're a new coach, the unfamiliarity of your role can add stress to an already demanding job.

According to Bach, parent coaches often fall into two traps, providing preferential treatment and overcompensating due to a fear of providing preferential-treatment. “Parents naturally lean toward showing preferential treatment to their own children, whether they realize it or not,” said Bach. 

Preferential-Treatment
Preferential-Treatment can take on many forms, from bending the rules to position choice. “Typically, they give their children extra playing time, shower them with more attention during practices and games and assign them special duties such as team captain," Bach said. "Showing favoritism throws your child into a difficult spot with his/her teammates and weakens team camaraderie."

Overcompensating
To avoid the preferential treatment label can also interfere with a parent coach’s effectiveness. “Coaches can also go too far out of their way to ensure that no one thinks they’re giving preferential treatment to their children,” Bach said. 

At times overcompensating can be just as damaging to the parent/child relationship. “Quite often, the coach will reduce their child’s playing time or give their child less 1-on-1 instruction during practices," said Bach. "Taking away playing time from your child to steer clear of the favoritism issue does, in effect, create a negative atmosphere for your child. They will question why you’re punishing them unfairly."

Prevention
Way before the first practice of the season, parent coaches should sit down with their child to talk about the roles each of them will play. “Before a parent decides to grab the whistle and clipboard and assume the role of coach of their child’s team, they should sit down with their child and gauge how he or she feels about them overseeing the team this season.” 

It would be safe to assume that your child will be happy to have you coach but it is important to ask nonetheless. “If you don’t ask her how she feels, you’ll never know," he said. "Many youngsters are thrilled to have their dad or mom as coach, and if you see that sparkle in your child’s eyes when you bring the subject up, that makes all the time and effort you put into the season well worth it."

Take the time to listen to what your child has to say and weigh both the pros and cons.

“Be proactive and hold a preseason parent's meeting so that everyone is on the same page before the first practice of the season,” said Bach. “Outlining your expectations and coaching methods before the season paints a clear picture to parents about how you plan to handle the season. When parents hear firsthand that you’re committed to adhere to the league’s equal playing time rule, you leave no room for petty squabbles over how much playing time their child will receive. If you don’t clarify these issues for parents in advance you’re asking for a heap of trouble."

Set Rules For Players and Parents
Just as you have rules for the players, you should also have a set of rules for the parents that can be layed out at the pre season meeting.

These rules should include everything from parents being in the locker room to making sure parents are not interfering in your ability to be a successful coach. You should also lay out your plans for communicating with parents including their own child's progress and how they should best communicate any concerns and observations they have.

Mid season may be a good time to have an additional meeting with parents to reflect on how the season has shaped up so far, what is going well and where improvements can be made. 

By keeping the line of communication open all season, you will ensure that you, your child and every player on the team have a rewarding and positive experience as they grow as players and as you grow as a coach.